My boyfriend thinks I'm funny.

I cut my hair. This is a true story.
Yeah, actually... I do have a myspace.

"It's hard to have an open mind and keep it closed." - Mark Rafter

"I used to be a woman." - Mr. Whelan

"On my Yahoo news one of the headlines read 'Iraqi Woman May Lose Rights'. Um....Where have they been?" -Steven Ross

"This may be the finest idea I've ever had except for most of them." - Saladin

Everything written here İMe unless otherwise stolen. I mean stated.

My Favorite Entries
The Toaster Rebellion.
Gift-Wrapping is Harder than it Looks.
Sign it.
McDonalds is America.
The Pecan Beast
He loves me, He loves me not.


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You wish you were cool enough to create your own fan club.

Name(s): It's Ariella, but I go by a billion other names along with that.

Gender: Female. I had always thought that was sort of obvious (BOOBIES), but every once in a while someone online mistakes me for a guy. And sometimes hits on me. *Shiver*.

Age: Seventeen. Yeah, I'm not legal. Think about that.

A note to those who do not have a death wish: I HATE leetspeak, shortened words, and inacurracy. Inaccuracy is a mark of sloppy thinking. Will it kill you to type out "you" instead of "u"?

Interests: Reading, writing, the remarkable cheese in a spray can...

Born: in London, but I now live in California (Los Angeles area)

Aim: LandorsCottage. Feel free to instant message me, for I have no life.

Education: Done with high school; currently in my second year at a lame community college.

Likes: Ponies! Books, intelligent people, roses, candles, gay men, Oscar Wilde, and jello.

Dislikes: Smoking, alcohol, idiots, sugar, and most insects.

-Maura AKA Narcissa-

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Wednesday, July 28, 2004
The Toaster Rebellion

For those of you that live with your parents, or can recall living with your parents, or even live with a roommate of some description (although, when you live with a roommate, you usually have some control over what is in the refridgerator, so, never mind-- you lose)... damn it, I've strayed away from the point again! What was I saying? Oh, yes, living with your parents. To be truthful, I don't really mind living with my parents (my sister is a different story) but I have a problem with what my family eats. Have you ever opened the refridgerator to find it fully stocked with food, but, to your dismay, notice that nothing in said frige looks remotely appetizing? That is what it is like at my house.

My whole family eats junk food galore. I, being a teenager, should be absolutely thrilled about this, shouldn't I? Yes. But I'm not. Because I am a very strange teenager. I don't particularly like anything sweet-- I don't even put put sugar in my coffee (with the exception of yesterday morning. But, seeing as I didn't sleep at all, I blame my tired haze for somehow ending up with two spoonfuls of sugar in my coffee. Yech...) Anyway, my house is devoid of anything healthy at the moment (and, for that matter, at most moments) and I am very annoyed. The only thing I could stand to eat today was a peice of toast.

On the subject of toast, how many million Americans own toasters? Lots and lots, my dear readers. If I were to run a poll, I would find that many, many, many people owned toasters. Do you know that little dial on the side of the toaster that you can set to a number so it makes your toast just right? That dial is the most slimy, grotesque, repugnant, evil little liar on the face of this earth! Try it yourself-- get a loaf of bread from your local supermarket, and take out a piece of bread. Label this piece of bread "exhibit A". Take several more pieces and label them Exhibits B, C, D, E, and F. What you label them with isn't my problem. I would suggest some sort of marker, but not if you plan to actually eat the toast (this is a wonderful experiment to do while making breakfast for your family-- just make sure you spread jelly over the letters you wrote on the toast. Serving toast with large letters on it tend to make people uneasy around you.) Anyway, toast each piece in your toaster (obviously) and see how they turn out. If you have an average American toaster, your toast is screwed. Ask for three toast, you get six toast, ask for six you get two and a half, ask for one toast and the toast isn't toast at all-- it's bread, ask for four toast and you burn the house down. It's the same with waffles.

My idea: Toasters are evil robots created by Russian communists that must be stamped out. If we keep them in our homes, they are going to take advantage one day and take over in what will be known as the Toaster Rebellion...

Have I ever mentioned that I am very, very paranoid? Well, either way, my toaster is going out in our next garage sale-- I'm not going to be fooled. I will use the oven to make toast from now on, or, as I live in California, I can probably make it on the sidewalk with the eggs.

I'm watching that toaster...

Posted at 07:03 pm by MinaCarstairs

April 19, 2005   07:01 AM PDT
The whole of Russia cries, "Stop picking on us! We didn't choose our country's social or economic system! We are victims of our leaders, just like you! Only through empathy and global understanding can we break down the baseless, outdated animosities of the world, and work together for a better tomorrow - Because no matter what country you're from, we're all just people! SO STOP PICKING ON US!!!

There is a moment of silence, as we listen to this unexpected wisdom from the Godless commies, and we sense a glimmer of a better, more understanding world....

And then Bush decides they're terrorists and lights them on fire.

July 29, 2004   11:09 AM PDT
Yeessss.. It's the Russians that created toasters, not me! Only the Russians could come up with such an evil, diabolical design to infuriate each and every American, each and every morning!

Viva la Toastre Revolucion!

(or whatever)
July 29, 2004   01:23 AM PDT
i want to take your blog on a date and touch it inappropriately.

okay, well, you have to understand: i am surrounded by idiots. this...this is like...the blog equivalent of a wheatgrass shot.

and i mean that in a good way. forgive me, i'm a native californian.
July 28, 2004   08:00 PM PDT
You could lead an anti-toaster crusade using the slogan, "Every time you eat toast, you're putting Communism in your body!!!" If there's one thing Americans fear, it's that a giant space goat will eat the sun. And after that it's that Wally the Warning Walrus will go to red, because it's not quite his color. And then terrorists. And then, I don't know, gay people. And probably rocks or something, because Americans are basically mouth-breathing idiots. And then, WAY down the list, is Communism.

But at least it makes me laugh.
July 28, 2004   07:14 PM PDT
No, no ... for you see, the folly that is the toaster industry is in fact due to yes, the lack of the METRIC SYSTEM! Here in Canada, all our toasters are properly converted ... 3 is now 62.893479 and 6 is now ten bajillion.

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